Mom Guilt & Self-Care: Redefining What It Really Means

When you hear “self-care,” do you picture bubble baths, spa days, or weekends away? While those sound lovely, for most moms, they’re just not realistic. And when that’s the standard, it’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re failing at self-care before we even begin.

But here’s the truth: self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant. Sometimes it’s about the simplest acts of remembering you in the middle of motherhood. Taking inventory of everything you're doing in the day, not to tell yourself it isn't enough- that's where we get in trouble with mom guilt. It's time to flip the script and say "wow... look how I have shown up today."

The Connection Between Mom Guilt and Chaos

Mom guilt shows up loudest when our days feel chaotic. When everything is left up to chance... meals, routines, naps, work. It’s easy to spiral into frustration. And when the day slips away in a blur, we end up beating ourselves up for not being more patient, more present, or more “together.”

That guilt doesn’t come from being a bad mom. It comes from running on empty.

Here is a more simple way to tackle mom guilt and take on self-care

Self-care for moms doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s often as simple as:

• Drinking a full glass of water.

• Eating lunch before 3 PM. Or even remembering to eat lunch (if you're like me!)

• Taking three deep breaths before you walk into the next room.

• Stepping outside for two minutes of fresh air.

  
  

These little resets are what I call sanity savers. They aren’t about perfection... they’re about remembering that you matter, too.

Structure Helps Ease the Guilt

Another place guilt creeps in? When kids are bouncing off the walls and you feel like you’re failing at managing their day while your work email is blowing up and there are a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. That’s where a little bit of structure makes a big difference.

As a stay-at-home, work-from-home mom, this was huge for me. I created the term Building blocks to represent short activities that I would rotate into my work day with my little. These activities would last anywhere from 10-20 minutes depending on what I had time for in my day. Each one would also check off an area of critical child development (like gross and fine motor skills, cognitive and social emotional, language and reading!). In-between those building block bursts is where I'd encourage independent play while I knocked out some work. It would rotate but create flexibility where I needed it most when random things popped up that I couldn't account for, whether that be a meeting, a tantrum, or a blowout.

My daily building blocks are short, intentional activities that give kids something meaningful to do and give you a pocket of breathing room.

They don’t require fancy supplies or Pinterest-level creativity (unless you choose to make it that), they are just small anchors that make the day feel less like survival mode. Goodbye mom guilt... hello more self care and love.

Here's a quick reflection prompt so we can build towards relief!

• Where do I feel the most guilt in my day right now?

• What’s one “smaller cup” act of self-care (a sanity saver) I could add today?

• What’s one building block activity that could help my kids feel engaged while giving me a moment to breathe?

Final Thought

Momma, you don’t need a spa day to refill (though it would be nice from time to time).

You don’t need balance to prove you’re doing a good job.

You need small, refillable sips of care... for yourself and for your kids.

✨ Want more sanity savers and daily building block ideas? I created a free toolkit with those two recourses and more to help moms like us create space without the guilt.

Download it here

Other concepts referenced:

• pour a smaller cup theory

• balance vs contentment

• work-life-balance for the work from home momma

Now that's how we redefine mom guilt and self care!